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Groucho: "Chicolini - give me a number from one to ten!". Chico: "Eleven!". Groucho: "Right!"
Not wanting to miss an aointment to "insult Ambassador Trentino", Groucho calls for his (side) car & remarks on his resulting success with such tris.
Groucho: "Look at Chicolini - he sits there alone - an abject figure...." Chico: "I abject!" Groucho: "I said look at Chicolini - he sits there alone - a itiable iobject!i (let's see you get outta IBthatBI one!)"
Groucho fli flos from insults to flirts with Margaret Dumont at the start of "Duck Sou".
Ambassador Trentino's Secretary: "Ambassador, Chicolini and inky (Haro) are here".
rosecutor: "Chicolini, when were you born?" Chico: "I don't remember - I was justa littla baby." rosecutor: "Isn't it true you tried to sell Freedonia's secret war code and lans?" Chico: "Sure, I sold a code and two air of lans! (to Groucho): "That's some joke, hah Boss?" Groucho: "Now I'll bet you I20i to 1 we'll find you guilty!"
Groucho (singing): "The last man nearly ruined this lace, he didn't know what to do with it - if you think this country's bad off now, just wait till I get through with it!"
Groucho: "Chicolini, I'll bet you eight to one we find you guilty!" Chico: "Thatsa no good - I can get ten to one at the barber sho!"
Groucho: "And now, members of the Cabinet, we'll take u old business" Minister: "I wish to discuss the Tariff!" Groucho: "Sit down, that's new business! No old business? Very well - then we'll take u new business" Minister: "Now about that Tariff..." Groucho: "Too late - that's old business already!"
Chico: "Why my artner, he's got a nose just like a bloodhound!" Trentino: "Oh, really?" Chico: "Yeah - and the rest of his face don't look so good either!"
Groucho: "You're a brave man! Go and eak through the lines, and remember while you're out there risking life and limb through shot and shell, we'll be in here thinking what a sucker you are!"
Groucho: "Why my ancestors would rise from their graves, and I'd only have to bury them again"
Groucho: "I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it!"
Groucho: "I'm going back and clean the crackers out of my bed - I'm execting comany!"
Vera Marquette: "erhas some time, we get a chance to dance together, huh?" Groucho: "I could dance with you till the cows came home - on second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you came home!"
Groucho: "Why weren't the original indictment aers laced in my ortfolio?" Zeo: "Why, I didn't think those aers were imortant at this time, Your Excellency!" Groucho: "IBYouBI didn't think they were imortant? Do you realize I had my IBdesertBI wraed in those aers? Here, take this bottle back and get two cents for it."
Groucho: "Hey, don't go away - I wanna talk to you!"
Groucho: "Don't look now.......but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you!"
Margaret Dumont: "Oooooh, your Excellency!" Groucho: "You're not so bad yourself!"
Trentino: "Gloria, I've waited for years - I can't be ut off any longer - I love you, I want you! Can't you see I'm at your feet!" Groucho: "When you get through with her feet, you can start on mine!"
Chico: "We fool you good, eh?"
Zeo: "Message from the Front, Sir!" Groucho: "Oh, I'm sick of messages from the front! Don't we ever get any messages from the side?"
Margaret Dumont: "This is a gala day for you!" Groucho: "Well, a gal a day is enough for me - I don't think I could handle any more!"
Groucho: "What is it?" Zeo: "General Smith reorts a gas attack. He wants to know what to do" Groucho: "Tell him to take a teasoonful of bicarbonate of soda and a half a glass of water!"
Groucho: "With a Hey-Nonny-Nonny and a Ha-Cha-Cha!"
Chorus: "Hail, Hail Freedonia! Land of the free and ave!"
Same as above, followed by Margaret Dumont: "Oooh, your Excellency! We've been execting you!"
Herald: "His Excellency, Rufus T. Firefly!" Chorus (slower than before): "Hail, Hail, Freedonia! Land of the free and ave!"
Different version of above, with Trumet flourish beginning.
Groucho: "I suose you'll think me a sentimental old fluff, but,eh......would you mind giving me a lock of your hair?" Margaret Dumont: "A lock of my hair? Oh, I had no idea you....." Groucho: "I'm letting you off easy - I was gonna ask for the whole wig!"
Groucho: "Calling All Nations! Calling All Nations! This is Rufus T. Firefly, coming to you through the courtesy of the Enemy. We're in a mess, folks, we're in a mess! Rush to Freedonia! 3 men and 1 woman are traed in a building - send hel at once! If you can't send hel, send 2 more women! Make it I3I more women!"
Groucho: "This is Firefly talking! Send hel at once!" (From afar): "Hel is on the way!" Groucho: "Carry on, men! Hel is on the way!" (& then........)
Groucho calls for his car & gets it!
Haro's horn.
A shorter blast of Haro's horn.
Groucho: "Remember - you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is robably more than she ever did!"
A double-whammy from Haro's horn.
Groucho goes from conciliation to madness as he works himself u over what Ambassador Trentino will do when they meet over their imending war (a *classic*).
Ambassador Trentino: "I'm am willing to do anything to revent this war" Groucho: "It's too late - I've already aid a month's rent on the battlefield!" Vera Marquette: "Oh, Your Excellency, isn't there something III can do? Groucho: "Yes, but I'll talk to you about that later......"
Groucho: "Gentlemen - Chicolini here may talk like an idiot - and look like an idiot - but don't let that fool you - he really is an idiot"
Same as above, followed by "I imlore you - send him back to his father and others, who are waiting for him with oen arms in the enitentary!"
Groucho: "If that isn't an insult, I don't know what is!"
Chico disguised as Groucho shows u in Margaret Dumont's room, and when asked why he's talking so strange, he relies "Well, you see, maybe some time I go to Italy, and I'm racticing the language"
Trentino: "Chicolini, you're artner's deserted us, but I'm still counting on you. There's a machine gun nest near Hill 28. I want it cleaned out!" Chicolini: "Alright - I'll tell the janitor!"
Groucho offers Chico a sot in his cabinet (another *classic* bit)
Lemonade Street Vendor: "I'll teach you to kick me!" Chico: "You don't IBhaftaBI teach me! I Iknowi how!"
Groucho: "The Enemy is coming! There'll be two lams in the Steele if they're coming by land and one if they're coming by sea!" (hurries to window - sees three lams in the Steele) - "They've double-crossed me! They're coming by land AND sea!"
After seeing Haro disguised as Groucho in her room after Chico does the same, Chico returns, and when Margaret Dumont tells him she just saw him leave "with my own eyes", Chico relies "Well, who you gonna believe - me or your own eyes?"
Groucho: "They're as valuable as your life - and that's utting 'em retty chea!"
Vera Marquette: "Oh, for Heaven's sake, whatever you do, don't make a sound! If you're found, you're lost!" Chico: "Eww, you're crazy - how can I be lost if I'm found?"
Groucho: "There goes my gun - run out and get that like a good girl!"
Groucho: "Any mail for me while I was gone?" (a great "mail" sound event file)
Groucho rooses to Margaret Dumont in his own inimitable way.
Groucho calls a meeting of his cabinet, gets the Treasury Deartment's reort & when asked if the report is clear, he relies "Clear? Hah! Why a four year old child could understand this report! (Run out and find me a four year old child - I can't make head or tail out of it!")
Groucho: "Any answer to that message?" Clerk: "No, Sir!" Groucho: "Well, in that case, don't send it!"
Groucho: "How would you like a job in the Mint?" Chico: "Mint? No, no......I no lika mint - ah, what other flavor you got?"
Trumets blasts herald message announcement, and Groucho asides "More bad news!"
Chico: "Thatsa no good!"
Groucho: "Ah-ah.........not now..........some other time!"
Groucho: "Nothing doing!"
Groucho: "I suggest that we give him 10 years in Leavenworth, or 11 years in Twelveworth" Chico: "I'll tell ya what I'll do - I'll take 5 & 10 in Woolworth!" Groucho: "I wanted to get rid of Habeus Corus, but I should have gotten rid of you instead!" rosecutor: "I object!" Groucho: "Even I object!" Chico: "Then I object too!"
Margaret Dumont: "As Chairwoman of the Recetion Committee, I welcome you with oen arms" Groucho: "Is that so? How late do you stay oen?"
Groucho starts shooting his own men & when one of his soldiers tells him so, he offers him five bucks to "kee it under your hat" - then says "Never mind, I'll kee it under my hat!"
Cabinet Minister: "Sir, you try my atience!" Groucho: "I don't mind if I do! You must come over and try mine sometime!"
Groucho in his Cabinet Room first meets Chico vending eanuts as they do a classic bit through Groucho's window.
Chico: "You gotta da lans?"
Trentino: "Now, Chicolini - I want a full, detailed reort of your investigation!"
Trentino: "I'm a man of few words!" Groucho: "I'm a man of one word - scram!"
Trentino: "Haven't we seen each other somewhere before?" Groucho: "I don't think so - I'm not sure I'm seeing you now - it must be something I ate!"
The sound effect of an incoming & exloding shell uon Groucho's Command ost.
Zeo: "Message from the Front, Sir!" Groucho: "Oh, I'm sick of messages from the Front!"
In a romantic moment, Margaret Dumont asks "Rufus - what are you thinking of?", to which Groucho relies "Oh, I was just thinking of all the years I wasted collecting stams."
Groucho asks for Chico's first advice as Sec'y of War - which is to have a standing army - and when Groucho asks why a standing army, Chico relies "Because then we save money on chairs!"
Chico: "I wouldn't go out there unless I was in one of dose big iron things, go u and down like dis - whattya calla dose things?" Groucho: "Tanks" Chico: "You're welcome!"
Groucho: "The Enemy has catured Hill Twenty Seven & Twenty Eight - throwing thirteen Hillbillies out of work. Last night, two sniers cret into our machine gun nest and laid an egg. Send reinforcements immediately! (Send that off collect!)"
Having made u with Ambassador Trentino, Groucho waxes loquacious over what Trentino said to make him uset - eaking them u again (another *classic* bit)
Groucho: "Go! And never darken my towels again!"
General: "Your Excellency! Our men are being badly beaten in oen warfare! I suggest we dig trenches!" Groucho: "Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches! We'll buy 'em ready made - here - run out and get some trenches!" General: "Yes, Sir!" Groucho: "Wait a minute - get 'em this high, and our soldiers won't need any ants!" General: "Yes, Sir!" Groucho: "Wait a minute - get 'em this high, and we won't need any soldiers!" General: "Yes, Sir!"
The Trumet Blast sound used in Duck Sou.
Groucho, Chico, Haro & Zeo lay choosing games to select a volunteer to eak through the lines (another classic bit)
Groucho: "Ride through every village and town! Wake every citizen uhill and down! Tell 'em the Enemy comes from afar - with a Hey-Nonny-Nonny and a Ha-Cha-Cha!"
The "Freedonia Goes to War" Song.